Building New Memories
by Pippi
Summary: A sort of companion fic to "Onii-chan," this is from Fuyuki's POV through his descent towards heaven, and who he will become in the afterlife. ;_;


Here we go, yet another Tenshi ni Narumon fanfiction. (so quick after releasing that first one, too! ^_^) My second completed fic after that long, interminable hiatus. o.o Once again, please don't be harsh ^^; I'm still recovering from the inactivity of not writing, if you will. This fic is sort of a companion to my last piece, "Onii-chan," because it follows Fuyuki through his decent towards Heaven, and well... you'll see ^_^  
  
I hold no claim to these characters, because they are not mine, they are property of their respective owners, including Tenshi Project.  
  
  
"Building New Memories"  
by Pippi  
http://senritsu.net/  
If you like Tenshi ni Narumon, visit my Tenshi ni Narumon site, Tenshi no Yume:  
http://senritsu.net/tenshi/  
  
* * *  
  
It's funny, isn't it? Someone once asked if you could retain memories when you were born. However, I just want to know...  
  
Can you retain memories of when you died?  
  
I can't. I just can't. The only thing that remains in my subconscious is a faint memory of shiny red shoes, and large green eyes, like sparkling emeralds glinting in the morning sun.  
  
--  
They appear to be following me, those eyes. Trailing after me as I head into the afterlife. Such sad eyes they are... I wonder to whom those beautiful, sad green eyes belong to.  
--  
  
I don't remember anything, and I don't remember why I died. I do realize this great and horrid pain having ceased and completely ending for good. I remember *being* dead, but I do not recall *why,* exactly. Nor do I have any idea what became of me right before I left this earth. Apparently, they just won't tell me. They refused to inform me of where I came from, where I had lived, how I died... and who my family was. Not even my real name. The first thing I remember is approaching the steps towards Heaven... and as I ascended the staircase, they let me through...  
  
As I was lifted towards my hour of judgement, I was aware of a strange itching sensation on my back. I rolled my shoulders, and realized that there was an unusual shifting sound of feathers brushing against each other, on my back. What...  
  
I had wings... Large, snowy white wings, the kind human beings could only dream about having on their backs, and only in their wildest fantasies could it ever come true. I realized I could flap them, and I was breathless as I turned my head to watch the feathers flutter in sheer delight as they spread to their full wingspan. I had wings. WINGS. Surely, I could not be heading towards a miserable afterlife, whatever had happened to me. At least I could be sure that I had not been an evil person while I had been on that Earth. Enthralled by the illustrious shimmering of those silvery, infinitely soft feathers upon my back, I gazed at them for an interminable amount of time before reaching out to stroke them. To feel that satiny touch against my fingertips. They really *were* genuine.   
  
I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by all this. I also felt as though my memory had been wiped clean, as I just kept walking up those stairs.]  
  
--  
Strange, though... I felt those green eyes haunting me, watching me. They seemed to be filling with tears, and weeping as I climbed higher and higher. I didn't understand why...  
--  
  
Soon, I reached the very top, where I was greeted by a solitary figure. A large, shrouded form stood before me onimously. Unafraid of this dark being, I boldly addressed it.  
  
"What has happened to me? I know I must be dead... but how did I die? Why did I die?" I asked the cloaked figure, as I stood there, my eyes staring at what they so often referred to as "the pearly gates." How true it was, for those doors were truly magnificently crafted. As if God himself molded every bar and scallop, and each and every grand, majestic flourish. Hmm. Perhaps he had. I didn't know.  
  
It's quite funny, really. Such details one notices, when one is confused and unaware of what is going on around them.  
  
The figure said nothing, instead simply pointed me towards the slowly opening doors. I realized that the magnificent doors that I had been staring at incredulously were opening for *me.* They were allowing me to enter Paradise. All I could do was stare as the figure beckoned for me to enter. I walked through the gates...  
  
I felt this joyful, illuminating, yet highly odd sense of purity rush through my body, and this heady feeling of suddenly becoming light as a feather consuming my entire state of being. I couldn't say a word, nor even stop to wonder and marvel at these occurrences as my ears were being filled with the most delightful, euphoric music. It hardly seemed like music, for the melodies seemed to be speaking words straight to the depths of my soul as I listened rapturously.   
  
I had truly entered Paradise.  
  
And there I was, as I entered a blindingly white, gigantic room, dazzlingly ablaze with shimmering white cloth draped all over the walls. I rubbed my eyes as they quickly adjusted to the glare, and spotted a tall, slender young man in his early twenties standing there, waiting for me to approach him.  
  
He had wings, just like mine, and wore a loose-fitting, pure white garment that appeared to be some sort of gilt-edged robe. His chestnut-colored wavy hair was slightly shaggy but kept off his face, and his large, mocha-colored eyes seemed lucid with a calming peacefulness in their depths. A glowing, shining halo floated above his head, twinkling and shining in the brightness of the room. He had a look of sympathy and understanding on his kind, youthful face as he opened his arms, and enveloped me in a close embrace.  
  
"Welcome, my son, for you have entered your final home. You shall remain here, in harmony." I said nothing, as the kind young man held me for a moment, then released me and lifted his hand. A sort of sparkle emitted from his fingertips as something suddenly materialized over his outstretched palm. I jumped back in surprise, as this elaborately decorated book became solid and fell into his hand. He took the book and handed it to me, to my shock.  
  
"This is yours from now on; this book tells you everything you need to know about living here, amongst the pure ones, and the rules of being an Angel," he said gently.  
  
"...An angel? What do you mean...?" I asked in surprise. "You mean... I am really going to become an angel?"  
  
The man nodded. "Yes, actually; you already ARE an Angel."  
  
"What..." I stared at him incredulously. "Are you serious...?"  
  
"Yes. In fact, you were destined to become an Angel. A rare one, indeed... those wings were not supposed to appear the moment you died... the fact that they did told us that you were indeed a special case. Most beings of our world must enter a long process before becoming a full Angel; they enter our Tenshi Gakuen and train for Earth years before they are granted such a privilege. However, beings like you are the purest of the pure; they become full Angels once they reach death. This occurence is 1 in ten trillion beings that enter this realm. Their memories are erased, and they restart their lives in Heaven. As full Angels."  
  
"I am a full Angel?" I repeated in disbelief. "Masaka..."  
  
"It's true, you *are* a full Angel." He smiled. "However, there is one unusual instance about your Angel existence." He nodded at my head. "You have no halo."  
  
I blinked in surprised, which had to be the millionth time since I had come here. "A halo? Why?"  
  
"We aren't sure entirely, ourselves, for this has never happened. You are rare enough as it is; the fact that you have no halo has confused us as well. We *have* decided on what it must have been..."  
  
I studied him carefully as he continued. "We believe that some complication involving your death occurred for you to have some sort of attachment to someone or something down on the Earth. Either you were seen as you received your wings and descended towards Heaven, or you simply still have not let go of someone in your subconscious."  
  
Someone...? Shiny red shoes.... tiny, red shoes... who did they belong to? If only I could remember...  
  
--  
Those green eyes that haunted me were dulled with sadness. I could see them flooding with unshed tears. And I was powerless to stop them from spilling.  
--  
  
I was silent.  
  
"We have your records locked away, but due to your Angel existence we cannot tell you who you once were, or how you died. It's best that way because --" His eyes widened and he cut himself off. "In any case, we simply cannot tell you."  
  
Was he kidding me? They KNEW how I died? They knew of my past, and where I had once lived? They knew who I once loved, and who had once cared about me?  
  
They knew who was grieving over my death... They know what small person owns those shining red shoes... They knew who those green eyes that watched me with such sadness belonged to. He HAD to know. He HAD to tell me! I dropped the book he had given me and clutched at his robe, begging the man.  
  
"Please, tell me, how did I die? What was my name? Who was my family? Where did I live? Who owned those little red shoes that keep plaguing my faded memory?"  
  
He merely shook his head sadly as I clung to the cloth of his robe, almost to the brink of frustration.  
  
Why... those eyes. I felt their pain, I saw their shed tears, the bitter agony that they felt over my death. Such pain and suffering... because of me. All because of me. And I couldn't comfort them, nor stop their pain. I was the cause of their pain, and powerless to put an end to it. My very existance caused their suffering. Or rather, my lack of existance, upon the Earth, caused their suffering.  
  
I HAD to know why. Why those eyes suffered so deeply. Why they spilled tears so much more than anyone would for someone who had died. I had to know who, so I could ease their pain. That which I had caused, I had to end.  
  
"Why won't you tell me? You *have to tell me!" He turned away, and bowed his head in silence. He tried to pull away from my grasp. "You aren't supposed to know."  
  
And as those words were uttered, I lost all my patience with this man. I exploded.  
  
"At least, TELL ME WHO THE HELL THOSE GREEN EYES BELONG TO! Those sad, sad green eyes that won't stop crying as they watch me, no matter what?" I cried, as his eyes remained placidly calm, yet flickered with a strange emotion that I just could not register. Was it pity? Shock?  
  
--  
I was trembling, as I could feel that gaze latched upon my form. Those deep, shimmering eyes. I could feel them- sobbing, weeping, and never even once stopping.  
--  
  
"PLEASE. TELL ME. You MUST tell me." I implored in desperation, as I started sobbing as well. He looked at me sadly, and took my shaking hands in his.  
  
"Well... there IS a way for you to know your past. As a pure Angel, you are not supposed to know who you once were, and detach yourself from that who you once were in order to become --"  
  
"Cut the crap and TELL ME!" I screamed. He looked shocked for a moment, then cleared his throat.  
  
He whispered softly. "If you were to work for your halo."  
  
I dropped his hands as I wiped my eyes. "My... halo?"  
  
"Yes." He nodded. "You are the first being that this has ever happened to; you entering Heaven as an angel without a halo. If you could earn your halo, by entering Tenshi Gakuen, and mastering your abilities and taking on a pupil, then we will be able to tell you all that you need to know. Beings who enter Tenshi Gakuen and work to become an Angel know of their past, know who they once were, and retain their true names."  
  
"My... name..."  
  
"However, you, as I mentioned, are a special case. We cannot call you by your Earth name, and so, we have issued you a name that you will be referred to as from now on."   
  
He picked up the book, and let it float in midair. A flash of light erupted from the pages, as it opened, the pages flipping to the beginning of the book. Various sorts of hieroglyphics suddenly appeared on the page, mixing and twisting themselves together until a series of markings were finally engraved in gold onto the page.  
  
He pointed this out to me, as he turned the book so I could see it. "This is your new name, what we shall know you as. You have been given the name 'Raphael.'"  
  
Raphael... I nodded weakly, as I was glad to have been given a name. Someone could call me something, at least. I did not want to exist without a name.  
  
Yet... it didn't sound befitting to my personality, somehow. I felt as if I should have asked for a new name, but I doubted you could do that up here. I doubted you could question anyone's authority up here. Somehow, that frustrated me inside. To follow such rules and regulations... never being able to rebel if you did not agree...  
  
He closed the book and continued, as he regarded me with that calm, unblinking gaze.  
  
"As for your wings... I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid we cannot let you keep the both of them..." He looked sad as he gazed at me. And I gazed right back in shock. I can't have BOTH wings?  
  
Was this truly Heaven? They wanted to tear a part of my body off of me? And a newly formed part of my body at that? The magnitude of such an act overwhelmed my already dazed senses.  
  
"What? You... I... why?!" I cried out. "What are you going to do with me?"  
  
"Nothing to be alarmed about, but... it's because you're entering Tenshi Gakuen. Even though you're already an Angel. Since you're going through the process to *become* an angel, you cannot have both wings; you will regain both wings once you go through the entire process. Once you have mastered Tenshi Gakuen, graduated and taken on a pupil, and trained your pupil to reach his or her final goal, then you may know your past."  
  
I still couldn't believe it. They rip away a wing from my back and expected me to be perfectly complacent? "I don't know... will I get my wing back?"  
  
Nodding, he answered. "Yes, you shall. Upon being informed of your entire past, we will restore your wing. Perhaps you might think of it as a sort of deposit, or a 'down payment,' if you will?" A sparkle of what could be called merriment glimmered in his eyes as he said this. "It's a down payment, as you work towards your goal; however, should you give up along the way, or if your chosen pupil does not reach his or her true goal, you forfeit this wing and the opportunity to know your entire past. And you will be given the opportunity to see that person with the large green eyes once again. For one final farewell."  
  
He was speaking, but I was only semi-listening. Although I had been listening intently up until they appeared again.  
  
--  
All I could see in my mind were those eyes. Those wide, deep green eyes. Fringed with elongated, dark lashes. Emerald eyes sparkled at me, shimmering with tears. They never stopped crying... I didn't understand why I could see them so clearly...  
--  
  
"Fine... that doesn't sound so bad, anyway..." I fingered the soft, smooth feathers and shrugged. "If losing a wing is the cost of knowing why I ever existed to begin with, then it's fine with me."  
  
--  
I could feel those bright green eyes widen and sparkle, but not with joy. They shone with a sense of unwilling acceptance. As if they had given up all hope.  
--  
  
I shivered.  
  
The man nodded, and raised both hands, as I felt a tingling sensation wash over my entire body, and the same heady sense of floating in midair that I had felt earlier washed over me. I looked over and saw my wing slowly dissolve, break apart, and disappear.  
  
"Don't worry, you shall regain that wing. Eventually." The glowing stopped as I turned to look at my solitary remaining wing. It seemed so... bare on my back without another wing.  
  
I only had one wing now... I wondered if maybe... I had also forfeited the one pleasure of having wings in the first place... I turned back to the man again.  
  
"Can... can I still fly?" I asked fearfully.  
  
He laughed, which sounded like bells pealing through the echoing caverns of the surrounding area. "Of course you can still fly... you are still a full Angel. A very special case, indeed. Just that while you're in Tenshi Gakuen, you *are* working towards Angelhood. In your case, it's simply your halo that you're working for." He took the book and handed it to me.  
  
"This book may tell you all you need to know about living in this realm; however, it is also one you must fill. Every being that wants to become an Angel must fill their respective books. And this is yours." He glanced at me, as I stood before him, trying to twist myself so that I could see the bottom of my remaining wing.  
  
"That one wing is a symbol of who you are, and what you must obviously still be attached to down upon that Earth. Whatever, or whoever it is that your soul still clings to, it is the reason for your solitary wing. Never forget that."  
  
"My... one wing..."  
  
--  
In my mind, I saw those eyes close in grief. Such childlike eyes...  
--  
  
"Now go, for you are wanted for class. First day of class, you know..." He smiled and pointed towards a door, which had curiously appeared before me. He handed me the book he had given me, which I took and held it close to me. Something to give me security in this unknown new world. A warm gust of wind blew past my face as I peered through the door. A shimmering glow was spilling forth from the door; the rays of light seemed almost tangible.  
  
I turned back, and gazed at his face, smooth with the immortal glow that made him seem almost translucent, although I knew he wasn't. His mild eyes twinkled at me, as I could only gaze at him in wonder.  
  
"After all you've told me, and all you've just done for me... what's your name, anyway?" I asked, as I stepped past the doors. "I want to remember you, for you Named me..."  
  
"Forget it, my name is not important." He beckoned towards the door, as I slipped further away from him.  
  
"But--"  
  
"Fear not. Go, and follow your destined path. Remember your ultimate goal, always." The door slowly started to close as I watched him wave.  
  
"Thank you..." I whispered, as I was enveloped in the warmth. I closed my eyes as I felt the heat of the radiating beams surround me, as I was absorbed into that light.  
  
--  
Those eyes closed, and ceased crying.  
--  
  
"Onii-chan..."  
  
Before I could even react to what I *swore* I had just heard, I entered a new room.  
  
This was it. Tenshi Gakuen.  
  
I was greeted by a small boy, with pale, silken bluish-green hair, clothed in what looked to be a school uniform, and carrying a stack of books. He gazed up at me, with such intense golden eyes that I was startled.  
  
Those eyes, so innocent and naive, and yet so wise. Radiating that same glow that had brought me into this very room. What a special young one he must be, to have such childlike yet mature eyes. Quite beautiful, those eyes. And so like the pair of green ones that had haunted me since I had reached this place. Perhaps... he was meant to be my pupil. The chosen student that I must train, as well. And help to gain his ultimate goal.  
  
Shyly and quietly, he held out his small, delicate hand to me. I hesitated.  
  
--  
They opened again, those eyes. I saw a flicker of hope lighten their dulled, flat irises. They still remained childlike, and sad. Still so very sad.  
--  
  
For those eyes... For that person whose eyes those belonged to, I would do anything to come back to that earth. To comfort them. To see those eyes smile.  
  
I took that little boy's hand, as the door closed shut behind me.  
  
I stepped into the room, and started building my new memories.  
  
Building new memories, to regain my old ones.  
  
Which would lead me to those grieving, evergreen eyes.  
  
And the person to whom they belonged to.  
  
I started a new life, and a new existence.  
  
I was reborn.  
  
As Raphael.  
  
* * *  
~owari~  
* * *  
  
If you don't know Japanese, the words I used in this story are:  
tenshi = angel  
gakuen = academy, school  
onii-chan = older brother  
  
http://senritsu.net/  
If you like Tenshi ni Narumon, visit my Tenshi ni Narumon site, Tenshi Project:  
http://senritsu.net/tenshi/  



End file.
